We had heard early on in the pandemic that couples were doing well with distancing and staying in their homes. Some felt even closer because of it. Those living by themselves were finding ways to connect on a deeper and wider scale than before. We were all finding ways to cope and people were adjusting. That was then and this is now. Fast forward two months as things progressed. Cabin fever sets in, your hair grows long, and a familiar voice may suddenly resemble fingernails on a chalk board.
This past week, we experienced what Andrea has termed Breakdown Day. Our Breakdown Day consisted of driving to the beach for a “day off” and arguing the entire 30-minute drive there and making up the entire way back. Thank goodness for the drive home. So, we ask, why a Breakdown Day? First, we both agreed that nowadays everyone needs one. We have earned it. Throughout this Covid-19 stay-in, we have all been good partners, good friends, and good neighbors. For over two months, we have followed the rules, maintained a smile, and kept calm. We started projects, ended some, made lists, and accomplished some things. Our houses have not been cleaner with no one coming to visit, gas prices are cheaper than ever and with nowhere to go. We have gone though our closets and have donations a plenty with nowhere to take them. Our freezers are full of food and we finally have toilet paper galore. Can this be what leads to a Breakdown Day?
You can imagine that this day warranted some necessary conversation between the two of us and discussion of what precipitates a small emotional breakdown. Is this the reward we get for being good and living within the lines? The answer is simple and complicated. On the simple side, we should appreciate that all at once our living patterns changed and our routines were immediately interrupted. Not so simple, is that our minds are trying to figure out what is going on and how to handle this new phenomenon. Our brains are continually asking, am we ready for this? How long will this last? Can we survive like this? When can we get a haircut and why are our bones and muscles aching? All of this can certainly lead to a breakdown day. Our breakdown day started when one of us insisted that they had to have a “Day of Joy.” The other anxiously asked, what is a freaking Day of Joy?!
In our case, the need for a Day of Joy likely grew out of compassion fatigue, also known as burnout. Symptoms of compassion fatigue can be both physical and emotional and may include exhaustion and irritability. It is clearly the cost of caring. After two months of living the new norm, it is typical to feel emotionally drained, empty, and craving the need to refuel. The request for a Day of Joy was for a day that involved no political discussions, no news shows, or conversations about Trump and his denial of science, his refusal to wear a mask, and his statement that Covid-19 testing is overrated. A day of joy was to be about nature, hope, a little chocolate, and was intended to be a day of positivity and encouragement about the world and ourselves. Even machines, even human ones, need to refuel. Machines will sputter before they conk out. What we experienced was a day of sputtering and conking out and the need to refuel. The concept is quite simple yet sometimes painful and may be difficult for others to understand.
As a result of our eye opening day, we looked to design a new path going forward. We now realize that this new world may not ever be the same as the old one because the virus has been successful in speeding up social and environmental evolution. It has been reported that children are expressing fear of the virus as they absorb their families’ anxiety. We acknowledge that though we may not realize it, what we are all going through on a daily basis is direct exposure to traumatic events. Accepting this and formulating a path to stay healthy and live wisely is essential. We do realize that everyone deserves a Breakdown Day as well as a Day of Joy. It is what you do with it that counts.
I cannot imagine that we will experience a drive to the beach like that again! But what we learned through the experience was clearly worth it and we appreciate being able to share it with you. So, we suggest that you be honest with friends and family when you feel the need to refuel. Do not become numb to the current day traumatic events but rather escape them from time to time and replenish. Recognize and value that this is a time to be kind to yourself so you can continue to be kind to others. Treat yourself to a Day of Joy. Rest, refuel, return, and connect.
As Always…Be Kind!
